Hi guys! How y'all doing? Wanted to blog about my trip to Lombok, but i shall leave it till next time. Just started my pupilage last week, and i just thought of blogging about it. Maybe it's too earlier to make conclusion as it has only been a week.. but well, every night when i finished work and walked to my car, i felt like crying.. almost everyday. i know this isn't suppose to be happening, as i should've expected it before i started, and i am supposed to be able to handle. but why? and i ask myself a lot of times. 

Last time when i was in High School, i always wanted to be in profession like lawyer, doctor or accountant. and i thought i am a career type person. and i thought i dont mind working extra hours to get work done. oh well. not until i finally started working and get my hands on the real work. And now every night when i get off work, i ask myself the same question over and over again. do i really want to be a lawyer? and my answer is no. i know it sounds glam when you tell people that you're a lawyer. and i sounds professional and people might think that you're actually a smart person just because you're in that profession. but then again, when you finally get to the destination maybe in 10 years time, and you look back, during the path or journey, how many things have you sacrificed for? and very often, and very surely, you sacrificed your happiness for something that you might not happy or enjoy doing it. it's so bad. and 10 years later, you might be filled with regrets. 

Well, maybe the nature of the job isn't what i wanted, and what i am looking for. or what i am interested in. i dislike reading. and to become a lawyer, it requires a lot of reading, because everyday there will be a new legislation or regulations being made, and i am not a persistent person who will keep track on the latest news. maybe i am just not suitable for this job. well. i enjoyed working in corporate. i enjoyed going to work in the morning. but during working hours, i will be as productive as i could. and i know i wouldn't get distracted too easily, as long i fill my day up with work. at the same time, i would expect to get off work on time.. maybe not on time. but dont expect me to work overtime everyday. once in a while, thats fine. and i would expect to be worry-less during the weekend or after work. i dont know if there's any office job like this lol. but then again, i ask myself, if i am working this kinda job, am i gonna be successful? am i gonna be improved? i might be just staying at the same position over the years.. because i believe, success need a lot of hard work.. but in order to be successful, you need to put in a lot of effort, and it isn't going to be easy. and there will be a lot more responsibilities on your shoulder. 

and i also understand that, my nature of job, requires a lot of reading, and a lot of effort to keep myself motivated.. i think i just need to have passion and love my job.. but hell no. i dont. i fucking dont. i really dont know what am i doing now. i totally lost and dont know where should i head to. i feel like i dont know where am i going.. and i have no idea how's my future gonna be like. 

and again.. i ask myself. do i really wanna become a lawyer? do i enjoy being a lawyer? if i dont, why  not i just stop here, and do something else? something that i enjoy doing? but, some thing still hold me back. my dignity. i know i shouldn't get influenced. but i know, i still have to complete my journey. i am almost there. i am. another 8 months till i get called to the Bar. till i become a qualified lawyer. but then again, after 8 months, when i finally get called to the Bar, am i gonna continue my journey in this field.. am i gonna become a lawyer? am i gonna work in a law firm? it's still uncertain.. if i dont wanna become a lawyer, why do i waste time on this? why dont i straight away do what i enjoy doing? haih..

well, i know there is nothing else that i could do, other than just hang in there. i probably shall give myself 9 months time, and try it out. maybe after 9 months, i will get used to it, and i will slowly like it. 

x,

J

Good day folks! 

It's just gonna be another ranting post. So, I attended an interview last Monday. Before the interview started, I was waiting at the lobby, and was kinda looking around and observing around. because working environment is one of my considerations actually. (not being picky thou, just personal preference) I had quite a good impression on this firm by looking at the environment, because it looks clean, neat and tidy, unlike the previous firm i've worked at. But, the interview was horrible. it was the worst and most horrible interview i've ever had in my entire life. okay, not gonna review what is the firm, but yah. I'm just gonna share my interview experience at this firm, with an old uncle. well, I'm not sure if its because of his age, or his personality memang like that. I am actually feeling kinda glad that he was that honest and straightforward. So, the interview started off with some basic questions. then it went on to 'what's my interest in various areas of law'. So i was just being honest and told him i am interested in Corporate and Commercial, which i've stated in my cover letter. if he has read it, i supposed he should've known it. then, he asked me why do i choose corporate? why not conveyancing, since i've done conveyancing before at my previous workplace? why not continue with that area? So i was being honest again, i told him 'because i've tried that area before, i find it kinda boring and i didnt like it, that's why i would wanna try other area' then he went on again, asking me why corporate then. since i've never done corporate before, how do i know i like corporate. then i repeated again that i've never tried before, thats why i would like to try. he then asked me whether is my results good, or whether do i have a good connection in corporate world. then he look at my resume, and saw that i do not have a first or second upper. then he went on to ask if i have a good connection. i didnt really understand what did he mean by 'good connection'. so i asked him, 'what do you mean by good connection?' He damn straightforward, and said 'Is your father or your relative a CEO of a big company, like Public Bank?' I was speechless, seriously. i really dont know how do i answer this, and i just said no. it was just the 3rd or 4th question, and i got so pissed, and i know i wouldn't wanna work here even if he offer me a job, but obviously he wouldn't. haha. he then went back to the same topic, why dont i do conveyancing? He even said that i dont like conveyancing or find it boring is because I'm not good at it. wtf? like seriously? but yehh, he really said that to me, in my face. well. by then i already feeling so fed up. then he asked me why now only apply for chambering when i got my results in december? i told him, because i went for a holiday in march, so i only apply after i came back from holidays. it's not appropriate if i ask for a 10 days leave after i started my chambering not too long. i didnt know he would be saying this 'this is a minus for you, this shows that you're not committed and competitive enough, everybody else already started their pupillage, they're already half way there, but you haven't even started' fuck you uncle. that doesn't even make total sense. 

i dont know if I'm making a big fuss out of it, but he definitely was insulting me. and he did say that he's judging me, into my face. god damn. i dont even know how can he be a lawyer. i have my god damn pride too. I'm not necessarily have to work at your firm. and if i do not reach your requirement, you can dont ask me for an interview. pfft. 

But, thank you for letting me know, how realistic and materialistic the world is, and how important it is to have a good connection in this world. thank you for teaching me so much. 

x,

J

HELLO ERRBODY! 

Ohmygawd. The last blog entry was October :O Can't believe that i would abandon my blog for long. I shall do a mini update here regarding my exam. :) Finally, i passed CLP! (It was 3 months ago thou). and i've been looking for a job since then, but then, it's so difficult to actually get a chance to go for interview. ohwell, i understand why do i not get one. my results aint that good, and my resume must be quite boring huh? Gotten a chance from Wong & Partners, but it got postponed till now, and i haven't gotten any reply yet. damn. i've been so worried, worried that no one is gonna hire me. :'( mum has been asking me about it, asking me when am i gonna go work. it annoys me most of the time. because i really dont know how to answer, and it makes me feel so uneasy, as i am already feeling so worried. well, hopefully they get back to me asap, so that i could at least know whether they gonna hire me or not. another thing is, i really dislike it whenever people ask me 'when are you gonna go work / what are you doing now' :| i know they might wanna know it genuinely, but then you know, it makes me feel uneasy. I'm sorry.

ohhkayyy. shall stop the ranting. now.

Been together with Kenneth for more than half a year, sometimes it feels like we just got together not long ago, but sometimes it feels like we got together for a very long time. Even though we've been together for quite a while, but then sometimes the insecurity feelings still kick in. well, it hurts. and i hate it when i have that feeling. it doesn't feel good at all. it sucks. We've been through quite a lot i would say. From having a lot of issues, having a lot of judgments from the outside, having a lot of arguments, to now being there for each other. it's been a great time, really. it hasn't been easy too. having to being judged by some people, being badmouthed by those who dont even know me. sometimes he amazed me, and surprised me by how persistent he is, and he has the ability to make me happy most of the time. I'm surprised how i wouldn't get bored seeing him everyday, maybe just yet. haha. xx

thats all for tonight. shall go to bed. g'night x

J.

Hello Readers ! 

Haven't updated my blog in so long. And i actually miss blogging so much! I dont know if I'm still being able to blog, but i will try. i have so much to update, but i dont think i have enough time to write everything out. 

Months passed by so quickly, and its nearly end of October already! Time flies too quickly, it scares me. 😖 Still remember how i've just entered CLP classes and also work at Butter + Beans @ OUG last year. and one year has already flew by. I dont think i've done anything meaningful within this one year time. but definitely, it was a good one year. :')

Im done with CLP exam last August, and results just released few days ago, and i was so scared i dont even dare to check it. i was so ignorant that i didn't even bother to find out the release date of the results. because I'm too scared of failure. i dont wanna face the fact that i might fail my exam. that morning, i woke up naturally, and it was just few minutes away from 8:30am, i've decided to just check it, whether passed or failed, it's already done, there's nothing that i could do to change the fact. and finally i typed in my IC number and firasat. the moment i saw i've gotten Conditional Pass, i was relieved. all i ever prayed for is just a conditional pass. i never thought that i could ever get it, because i really thought that i didn't put in much effort, definitely not as much as others did. and i really thought that i didnt do well in the exam, and i even thought of giving up half way through the exam. :') i really thank god for giving me another chance, even though I'm abit upset cause i didnt make it for the first attempt, but i think I'm lucky enough and thankful enough, as i dont think i deserve it. thank you god. :')

another two weeks of law books and notes, i shall give in my 100% this time. two weeks for me to prepare for one paper, shouldn't have any problems and difficulties. focus on the more important things first, put other things aside, and study hard! i must do it this time! 💪🏻

x,

J

How are you guys doing? Haven't had any time to update my blog, and i miss blogging so much! I've been so so busy with my studies and work 🐝 And i guess it's about time to update my blog, i shall not abandon it for too long. :| 

Exam is coming real soon, in about 4 months time? i am so not ready for it yet. i've been procrastinating. oh nohhh, the correct description shall be 'i've been neglecting my studies since xmas break. ohmygawd, this is really bad. Before xmas break, i actually do some revision and make notes consistently. but ever since xmas break, i stop making notes each time after tutorials. 😖 i know. i do know this is not supposed to happen! but it did. i felt so guilty right now, or maybe all these while, the guilt feelings actually hit me all the time. fuck. I'm running out of time. 😭 not only this, my application is kinda fucked up. i haven't gotten my confirmation yet. imma so worried. if I'm flopped on my application, I'm so screwed and fucked. 😫 ohwell, and now i gotta remind myself to study everyday, at least two hours, to make sure myself to finish studying before it's too late. 🙇

And yes, life's been good, and I'm afraid. I have that fear, if things get too good, they gonna be taken away as soon as i own them. Happiness doesn't stay too long, i know that there'll be one day, it will be taken away, and long gone. I'm trying hard to appreciate it each day, and hoping that it stays as long as possible, and never hold any high expectation for it to stay, because i know it will leave me one day. i wanted to be positive, and didn't want to expect it too much, because i know i might get hurt and disappointed one day. even though deep down i hope, that day will never come. 😐

Some things are too good to be true, it's too surreal that sometimes I wonder, am i in some wonderland? Am i dreaming? 💭 it's too surreal that, i feel like it's just a dream. you know that kind of feeling? the feeling where someone treat you nicely, and you want more and more. i feel like, i am becoming someone whom i do not know anymore. people hate me now. friends leaving me. I'm now all alone. nobody likes me. 🙍 i dont know. perhaps i am just making up stories hahahaha. 

i never request for anything more, or demand anything from anyone. i just hoping for a genuine treatment from people. and do not ever take me for granted. because i hate that. never take my feelings for granted. never take my kindness for granted. i can be scary at times, i really hate that. 😏

i would rather to be revealed to the truth, than being hidden by the lies. i would rather being known to the facts, than being covered by the made-up stories. 😐

x,

J

Let tonight be a silent night //

Hello Peeps! It has been a while since last i blogged. and lately i've been kinda busy, to the extend that i'll crave for alcohol, to release some stress and sorrow. 🙊 Not to mention that i've been procrastinating since xmas break, and also the numbers of skipping classes. :/ oh, this is really bad. i promised myself not to skip classes if i can. and i kinda did it after class resumed. but, i skipped today, due to the weather. it was raining kinda heavily, that i've became lazy and the thought of crossing the road under the heavy rain just kinda make me even lazier. i dont wanna cross the road, holding books and umbrella, under the rain. 😶 I know raining can't be an excuse, but, i am just not in the mood for classes tonight. meh. 

Life has been kinda fucked up for the past week. and i hope everything gonna turn out fine soon. 🙏 friends around me caught up with some issues lately, and so do i. My parents been making a big fuss out of everything lately, and i just dont understand why. Maybe I wasn't them, and i couldn't think as what a parent think. I am a 23 year old adult, and of course i know what i am doing right now, i know they're worried about me, as they're my parents. they think the best for me, and they're just trying to protect me. I do feel bad for making them worried, and i do feel bad for going against them. 😪 you know, this is human nature. the more you force, the more they're gonna against it. sometimes i just dont understand. that's all. Maybe just cause I'm still not matured yet. ohwell. This make me kind of realise, i need my fucking freedom. 😐

I do realize, that I've changed. It's not that i've changed into someone bad, or.. maybe I am? 

Time to look myself into the mirror, and self-reflect? 😯

oh man, i just need some alcohol. that's all. 🍷

but, 

I am more than grateful, sometimes. 🙊

Insecurity sucks. 

It really sucks. 

I need to learn how to read someone's mind. i really wanna know what's on his mind. I'm not up to any mind-game this time. 😐

I am just afraid. Why must it be so hard. :/

but still. thanks for the tuxedo hello kitty, and also the bird nest. 😂 these silly acts count! 😛

I shall learn not to think that much, and to put everything back into where they belong to. :)

I need to calm down, and have a cuppa coffeeeeeeee :p 

jokes kayyy.

Ciao! 

x,

J

Bonjour 2015 x

Early morning write on the second day of a brand new year. I've got quite a lot to blog about actually. December has been quite a happening month for me, filled up with tons of outings & events, and not to forget work at Butter + Beans @ OUG. I shall take some time to blog about it. and hopefully i won't get too grumpy, as i was so reluctant to get up this morning. 😂 

Both the collies & bacons' graduation fell on the same day, same time. meh. I had class on that day, so i can only make it to either one of their graduation, and i attended collies' graduation at Sunway Hotel, as it was nearer to my college. And finally everyone had graduated! 🎓 Congratulations my loves xx 

Met up with Darl Maine after that. Congrats my love (:

We made it to the second peak in quite a short period of time ! (:

And then, all of us made it to the third peak! ✌️

Selfieeeee, even though all of us look so unglam 😂

Beautiful Sunrise 🌄 

Catch up session over yummy brunch at VCR 😋

Mandatory wefie ✌️

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Some shameless selfies at work 😂

And, finally got my hands on Taylor Swift's latest album - T.S. 1989 😍

Mad Love x

2014 ; It has been quite a good year for me, despite there were still some shitty issues happening throughout the year. I genuinely think that 2014 has been treating me quite well, and i am really thankful for that. 2014 ; I started working as an attachment student at a law firm, met some nice colleagues, even though i did not really enjoy myself there (as it was really quite boring, cause basically i get paid by sitting there having nothing much to do) oh well, not to say complaining, but having nothing to do can be really depressing and boring. I started to earn money myself, to not spend my parents money on buying my own stuff, even though they still support me financially on some daily expenses. I bought my first gadget (iPhone5s) using my own money, I went on vacation using my own money, and i bought myself my first ever branded handbag. 🙊 Not bragging about it, but just to share to you guys, earning money isn't that easy. and now, i am just feeding myself, using that small amount of money. imagine how difficult it is for your parents to raise you up throughout the years. 😐 Appreciate it guys! (: 

2014 ; I finally walked out of my comfort zone, put down my ego, and worked at a cafe, as a waitress. I used to really care bout my image, because I always thought I'm not capable of doing stuff like serving, washing dishes, etc.. I've been wanting to work as a waitress or barista at a cafe, i wanna do something different, something else from law-related stuff.. and, i wanna learn how to make coffee art, even though i actually do not have that much of passion in coffee, compare with others. and actually until now, i find myself not really into coffee that much, but i still wanna learn how to make nice coffee art :) I'm improving guys, currently learning tulip 😁 and i just got some compliments from my manager and boss lately, on my consistent good work. oh well. thats really something that could make my day :) And, working at a cafe as a waitress, isn't just like that. i learned quite a lot actually. 

2014 ; if I were to recall back, the only thing i would say, is I am blessed. 

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I have a lot to blog about, but i am kinda lost for words. I couldnt really put them all in words, as i am not an expressive person. i dont know how to express myself well. and also, this blogpost was put on hold for quite some time already, and i dont know how am i supposed to continue with it. but if i am going to stop here, it will be so weird, cause my 2014 just gonna stop in the middle of nowhere. 😶 oh well, i think imma just stop here. & start a new post lol 

x,

J

Hello Guys! I think I update my blog once a month now huh? 😁 Been kinda busy these days, and i would use the word 'productive'. I love hectic schedules, even though i always complain lol. but who would like a boring life? 🙊 Yepp, so today I'm gonna spend some time to share with you guys my working life at Butter + Beans @ OUG. I can't remember if i've mentioned about it in my previous blog entries, but anyways, just gonna share with you guys about it now! :)) I'm more than happy and thankful to have applied job at the right cafe. Cause right at the beginning, after i've applied BBOUG, then only there are a few cafes opening around my place, automatically it comes to my mind that, i should've applied 103 workshop or The Owls Cafe. but then.. BBOUG isn't that far from my place actually 😂 I enjoy myself working at this cafe, i love the staffs there, they're friendly, i felt comfortable hanging out with them :)

Gon' show you my coffee art, even though it's not that consistent yet. like i can't really froth well yet ever since we changed our coffee machine to MIRAGE. the steamer is so much 'aggressive', i can't control it at all. and it's either 'under-froth' or 'over-froth', and the texture just so bad, the bubbles all come out as soon as the coffee art is made. meh :( these three coffee arts are the best i had. lol #shameful 

My cacat-ed rosetta 😫 but still presentable right? 😳

Had our first yumcha session @ ABC, & guess what, we chit-chat till 4:30am 😱 i dont know how did that even happen! but i remember we were having so much fun & laughters :') and somebody just gotta bring up the sunrise thingy, and suggested to go Broga Hill. It was totally impromptu! Went back home and grab my sport shoes, and i didn't even have enough time to change my pants, and i went in my hotpants. 😒 i know right, who would go hiking in their hotpants. that was totally ridiculous. but i am smart enough to bring my old school torchlight lol✌️It was my first time to Broga Hill, and i've always wanted to go! i was so excited and just said yes to it, even though i got class on the next morning, but screw it. imma be yolo 😂 We were all blur and kinda got lost while finding our way to the starting point of the hill, and i nearly cried in the forest 😭 It was so scarehhhhh! It was so dark, and i was so scared of ghost 👻 but thank god, we found our way up the hill! :) My legs started to feel sore, and my stamina was really bad, i nearly wanna give up while we were half way climbing up. but then, i can't. because if i do so, they might just stop with me. the hill is kinda steep and slippery and muddy, i was so scared if i fall down or something, i just dont wanna die. 😫 thank god the guys are gentleman enough to take care of me lol. and i just can't stop swearing while i was on the way up and on the way down. it was just too scarehhhh. 😭 and yes, we made it to the first peak! ✌️ #proudofmyself 

Beautiful Sunrise 🌄😍

My first time witnessing the sunrise. So so beautiful :')

Proof! I made it to Broga Hill! ✌️

Candid-but-not-so-candid shot by Huang Meng :) #iphone6plus #nofilter #soprettehhh

And this made me laughed like shit! Our same pose display pictures on WhatsApp 😂

I love these guys. and for the first time, i feel loved :) They take care of me like a baby at times lol. and i'm glad to have known them. 😁 Thank you guys :) 

Sometimes i really dont know whether is it a good thing to get close with your colleagues, cause you know, when you guys get too close, and when you gotta leave, you will feel heavy-hearted. 😔 I remember the last time i left STWP, i had the feeling too, and i actually wasn't that close with the staff there. but leaving makes me feel sad. what's more when you're so good with ur colleagues? :( why am i even thinking of that now? 😒

#randomthought To have someone to take care of you and sayang you like baby, is a gift given by god. That someone doesn't need to be your boyfriend, he can be your friend. To have a guy friend to treat you nicely and sayang you, is a kind of blessing I suppose. We should totally appreciate it, and enjoy the moments. x

Thank you for being so nice to me (:

Bonjour! 

How's your day? Finally had some me time to update my blog, i mean to update about my Sept-Oct Happenings. I had quite a fruitful Sept-Oct, almost everyday filled with happiness, despite some shitty emotional issues. lol 

Well, not gonna go into details of every single outings, just gonna go with the photos alright. I'm so lazy to describe every single details lol, and it might bore you to hell. 🙊

Start off with Potluck Gathering at Gan's place. It was a great gathering after so long! so happy to see everyone that night, but Julius was absent tho, she is in the uk! 😔 We missed you! 

Ying's 22nd @ Ante Kitchen & Bar, Publika

Our #ootn 

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Some random dessert date with Chermaine after my class on Sunday @ Strangers at 47. omg, the crepes were so good 😋

Joan's belated 22 bd celebration. Yumcha Sesh after dinner @ Starbucks SS15

Selfieeeeee 😄

Scrumptious brunch on a random weekday with mum. it has been so longgggg. noms. 

shameless mirror shot @ Zara's fitting room 😂

Impromptu make-over by Estee Lauder :)

Another yumcha session with my girlsss @ Doors Cafe

Cousin sister's big day! :)

Cousin Sister's Wedding Dinner :)

My first time being a wedding dinner receptionist. 

Cousin-love errwhere ❤️

This naughty yet cutie cousin came over to my table to find me almost every 10 mins lol. 

How can i not take a picture with him? (:

Grandparents & Grandchildren 

Grandparents & Siblings 

#ootn

Another Scrumptious Brunch w Darl Maine @ The Owls Cafe (:

Random catch-up session w babes @ BB OUG

Random Desserts date with dark maine after class on Friday at After Black (:

Party all day err day // Zouk💃🙌 

Providence ➡️ Zouk 🍸

Rachel's 22 @ Gangnam 88. my girls 😍

Alright, rushing back home for early dins, then off to work later. ciao.

Ps, i know this entry is kinda messed up. but well, will do a proper one soon. :)

x,

J